Eve of Battle

Panel 1 Company command stands on a landing platform filled with audio gear. Sergeant Pantry is holding a pair of grenades. Lieutenant Quail is trying to fix the broken Vox Haddock: *-anks to Sgt. Pantry for that definitive demonstration of the difference between a Frag and a Krak grenade; hopefully this will put an end to the confusion! Panel 2 Close on Capt. Haddock Haddock: Imperial High Command acting in the Emperor's Wisdom, has seen fit to re-organize the Imperial Guard on the eve of battle. But be not wary, for in their wisdom the authorities of the Departmento Munitorium have promised the transition will be painless. Panel 3 Haddock: I have codified the new doctrines and have passed it onto each of your lieutenants, in turn they will ensure that all steps for organization are taken. Panel 4 Shot of the audience where Specialists Coffey and Fryes are conversing Haddock (off panel): ...ordnances which do not comply with the new doctrines. A number of items due for recall are outstanding; of specific concern is a missing Powerfist. Coffey: Hey, didn't Cake give the sarge a Powerfist just last week? Fryes: Yup. Coffey: You don't think he would'a... Fryes: Probably. Panel 5 Haddock (off panel): ...more serious matters. The Ork "Waaagh!" which has been plaguing this world has gone on along enough and it's up to the 401st to make the filthy Greenskins pay! Coffey: Gonna be trouble? Fryes: Yup. Panel 6 Back to Captain Haddock on stage Haddock: I have full confidence that we shall prove ourselves capable of defending this land our Emperor has deemed we must protect and even though great tracts of the once mighty Imperium have fallen into the grip of the Greenskin and all the odious apparatus of its rule, we shall not falter. Panel 7 Ninety Minutes Later Haddock: ...even if this ground were subjugated and starving, then the Imperium beyond the stars, armed and guarded by the Imperial Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in His good time, the Emperor, with all His power and might, would step forth to the rescue and the liberation of us all. Panel 8 Sergeant Pantry joins Captain Haddock on stage Haddock: ...deployment orders have been routed to Platoon Leaders. All Guardsmen are to report to Sergeant Pantry for their kits - they've been designed special for you lads and I want to see you work them. Pantry: Thank you, Captain. Alright troopers, each of you will be charged with a kit containing... Panel 9 Shot of the audience where Specialists Cake and Salton are conversing Pantry (off panel): ...M-G standard Lasgun, remember to cite all appropriate litanies while cleaning your weapon... 4 Frag grenades... 4 spare power packs... Cake: Pfft! Some demonstration... I still think Pantry was holding two Frag grenades! Salton: No he wasn't; Frag Grenades look like pineapples - Kraks look like oranges. Panel 10 Cake looks perturbed Pantry (off panel): ...1 Lasgun maintenance kit consisting of: 1 bottle of Sacred Ungent of Cleansing... oiling agent... 1 blessed soft-cloth for swabbing... and sanctioned cleaning agent... Panel 11 Pantry (off panel): ...1 set of combat fatigues... 4 pairs of socks... 1 winterized greatcoat - what? Well where did you put them? Cake: Wait... what's a pineapple?